Saturday, March 29, 2008

I'm Feeling Sassy (Sexy)!

I am starting to become more comfortable with my new doo and am actually feeling rather sexy this day...despite what some say. I have actually had an overwhelming number of people say that they are very pleased with my new look...that is after the shock has worn off. They ask me why I have done it, especially when it was all my own. I respond by saying, "I was too attached to it and it was time for a change." That does not necessarily ease their minds, but I can't exactly put it back on for them, and neither would I. I have decided to send what I have cut off to Locks of Love, all 18 or so inches of it. It pleases my heart to know that there are young girls that can make use of something that I have to give.

Pearls of Wisdom:
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.
Be Blessed!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I was completely moved by an article that I read this morning. It was a Fallujah veteran by the name of Blake Miller with a Marlboro hanging out of his mouth. Although I had never conciously seen this photograph, it was apparent from what the article stated that it was famous. The portrait spoke volumes and the story behind it even more so. At the end of the article, Blake made a statement about God. He expressed to feel like so many of us at one time or another that believe and don't believe in God. His statement went like this:

I have a blatant disregard for life, he says. Every day that I wake up, it's like, 'Why do you keep giving me more?' The Bible says that the big man don't put no more on you than what you can stand.

Miller pauses, the sound of porno moans wafting from the TV. 'I mean, He must think that I deserve to F***in' be punished baaad. And the only reason why I can figure that I'm still alive is that this is God's way of letting me feel the guild for all the bad s**I did. Because there's not a morning when I don't F***in' wake up and the first thing I think is, "Another day I'm here. What did I do to make me deserve another day? What have I done in my life that my buddies didn't do to make me deserve so many days?'

excert from Rolling Stone Magazine written by Jenny Eliscu, This is the Face of
the War in Iraq. The Mind behind it will never be the same. The troubled
Homecoming of the Marlboro Marine.

He wondered why God let him live through what was so tragic. The story tells us that he suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The images that were permanantly imbedded within his mind corrupted his way of thinking, loving...processing much of anything. He assumed that he must have done something or be paying for the bad things he had done in the past for deserving to be in the state that he was-depressed, anxious, thoughts of suicide, feelings of lonliness, etc. It rings so true for so many of us that just don't understand the unexplainable, terrible, awkward and devastating events that life too often presents.

I wondered at that moment if I had the opportunity to speak to that scared yet brave soul, what exactly I would say. Would I fumble over my words and make matters worse for him? Would my words produce disdain for past mistakes made or comfort for the future that still was yet to come? I wondered how this individual and those that are still on the battlefield would be effected by this upcoming election. Would the new seated president offer some sort of reprieve for our soldiers or leave them hanging on the line...out to die? Would they offer some sort of compensation that would provide them with some piece of mind or help them revert back to the mental stability that existed before they left for the war?

All in all, the story gave me ideas to do another series about the effects this war has had on those that are on the frontline. It gave me the desire to pray even harder for those that are fighting, officials that send them and the family that are affected. It forced me to be eternally grateful for being who God made me. Being grateful that none of my close family or friends have been shipped out to what we can probably equate to hell for those young men.

I just wanted to share that with you all. It was really kind of deep for me.

In other news:
I have done it everyone. I have cut it hair that is. I have to be honest and say that it is not my cup of tea at the moment. However, I saw that I was getting way too attached and was making it somewhat my identity. So, off it went. It's curly and I will post pics later.

Art news:
-I picked up my camera yesterday. Finally..LOL! I had a wonderful time with it and the pics prove it. I will be doing it much more often these days.
-I have gessoed the canvases for two other parts to the button series
-I will be in a local craft show selling my jewelry.
-Working on looking for artists grants for the later part of this year and upcoming years.

Well, that is it for this evening folks. I wanted to give you a full update since I have not been doing so lately.

Be blessed!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

What's Been Up

It seems as if I have almost fallen into that 2 week lull again. I have not been as busy as I desire to be, but there are some changes that are being made. Some decisions that definitely must take place. To all of you that have read the last blog, Graham is doing well. I am sure that moving at 86 is not all that fabulous, but she is adjusting well. My mother and I are also adjusting to things around here. I commend my mother for the patience that she has had with my Graham in the last couple of has gotten a lot better. Our own individual time to do some things that we love has been cut short and we are adjusting to that too. So in essence...we are all adjusting.

My work...well, it is work. I am still on the buttons series, and I can see that this series will occupy my time until about mid-summer. I am excited because I have that passion for my artwork again. Passion that I have not had for a long time. It's such a breathe of fresh air to know that you are where you are supposed to be. I know I have said that plenty of times within this blog, but I can never say it enough. If you have ever been in a place where you thought that your love was lost, then you smell what I am cooking.

The grace of God...that is the only way to explain it from my perspective. His grace is absolutely amazing and never ceases to prove just how much He loves me.

Yes...these last couple of blogs have been rather personal. is has not all been about my art directly. However, has. Inspiration is born out of life. My life, your life, and the life of others. Life is what creates art.

Pearls of Wisdom:
Thank GOD for life!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Completely Overwhelmed

I have been completely overwhelmed in the last couple of days, hence the reason for the lack of posting. I have not been able to get to my buttons in a couple of days and probably could stand to do some now instead of blogging. At this moment, I just don't have the energy. There are a few things that are going on that are causing me a bit of anxiety. I am attempting not to worry and leave things to the Almighty, but things are getting tight. There have been several changes happening including: my grandmother's recent arrival (she will be living with us now), the need to look at my current career status due to her recent arrival, ministries and my involvement, and my social interactions.

While any one of these issues alone are nothing to worry about, the coupling of them together have me feeling like I am drowning with seemingly no reprieve in the near future. My grandmother coming to dwell with us is a wonderful and necessary thing at the moment. Miss Mary is an incredible woman, although she has her moments of being completely irritating (but what mother or grandmother doesn't) Within the last year I have asked the Lord to make me a better daughter, and perhaps this is an extension of that prayer. You know what the Good Book says, "Honor thy mother and father....", and perhaps this is the way to get my attention.

My priorities have always been a little different, with money (although we need it) and jobs (although we need those too) trailing in second to my relationships with others. This whole situation challenges that thought process. I have the opportunity to spend some time with Graham (as I like to call her) and develop that relationship a little more. However, that opportunity presents other things....other questions. Who will care for her while we are at work? If she doesn't want to go to a home, is it proper that we send her anyway? She has already proven that she is not able to be alone, although my aunt says we just need to lay down the law. She doesn't get out much as she claims that she is so sick (although she can't tell you of any symptoms). Dialog:

Graham: I don't feel like going, I told yall I am too sick
Me: Well Graham, what hurts
Graham (she chuckles): I keep telling yall that nothing has to hurt to be sick, I am just sick.
Me: When people say that they are sick, they usually have symptoms. You know, stuff that hurts, things that ache, etc.
Graham: Don't you know that people die everyday that weren't feeling bad, but just sick
(at this point, I just say conversation about being sick beyond this point)

Even if she could stay home alone, what type of life is that to social interaction for hours on end. Not one that I would want to live, but different strokes for different folks...I guess. So now I am forced with wondering how in the world my mother and I are going to handle this here situation. We are both working adults and very active with church ministry (which takes up life period). It's funny how God answers our prayers sometimes. Before Graham thought about coming to live with us I thought about how I would make this art thing that I know God gifted me with work as well. It dawned on me that the only way I would make it is if I immersed myself in the process of creating and being creative. The way things were going with life (no car and working 12 hour days because of it) there was no way that was going to get accomplished. I thought about perhaps working part-time. You know working somewhere for about 25 hours a week where I would get benefits, but really focusing more on my art. I didn't really see how that would pan out. And as God would have it, it seems as if He is working things out to a T for me, providing Graham as a vehicle for that part-time job to be a necessity as oppose to an option. How this is going to change my social life, I am almost afraid to wonder. I really have no social life as it is, and I cannot really imagine this making things any better.

Ultimately, I trust God to do what He does best...and that is take care of His child. I am sure that He will do what He deems necessary to get His purpose fulfilled. I am over and out for the evening. I will have progress notes and pics on the buttons and my other art endeavors later this week.

Be blessed!