I have a blatant disregard for life, he says. Every day that I wake up, it's like, 'Why do you keep giving me more?' The Bible says that the big man don't put no more on you than what you can stand.
Miller pauses, the sound of porno moans wafting from the TV. 'I mean, He must think that I deserve to F***in' be punished baaad. And the only reason why I can figure that I'm still alive is that this is God's way of letting me feel the guild for all the bad s**I did. Because there's not a morning when I don't F***in' wake up and the first thing I think is, "Another day I'm here. What did I do to make me deserve another day? What have I done in my life that my buddies didn't do to make me deserve so many days?'
excert from Rolling Stone Magazine written by Jenny Eliscu, This is the Face of
the War in Iraq. The Mind behind it will never be the same. The troubled
Homecoming of the Marlboro Marine.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I was completely moved by an article that I read this morning. It was a Fallujah veteran by the name of Blake Miller with a Marlboro hanging out of his mouth. Although I had never conciously seen this photograph, it was apparent from what the article stated that it was famous. The portrait spoke volumes and the story behind it even more so. At the end of the article, Blake made a statement about God. He expressed to feel like so many of us at one time or another that believe and don't believe in God. His statement went like this:
He wondered why God let him live through what was so tragic. The story tells us that he suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The images that were permanantly imbedded within his mind corrupted his way of thinking, loving...processing much of anything. He assumed that he must have done something or be paying for the bad things he had done in the past for deserving to be in the state that he was-depressed, anxious, thoughts of suicide, feelings of lonliness, etc. It rings so true for so many of us that just don't understand the unexplainable, terrible, awkward and devastating events that life too often presents.
I wondered at that moment if I had the opportunity to speak to that scared yet brave soul, what exactly I would say. Would I fumble over my words and make matters worse for him? Would my words produce disdain for past mistakes made or comfort for the future that still was yet to come? I wondered how this individual and those that are still on the battlefield would be effected by this upcoming election. Would the new seated president offer some sort of reprieve for our soldiers or leave them hanging on the line...out to die? Would they offer some sort of compensation that would provide them with some piece of mind or help them revert back to the mental stability that existed before they left for the war?
All in all, the story gave me ideas to do another series about the effects this war has had on those that are on the frontline. It gave me the desire to pray even harder for those that are fighting, officials that send them and the family that are affected. It forced me to be eternally grateful for being who God made me. Being grateful that none of my close family or friends have been shipped out to what we can probably equate to hell for those young men.
I just wanted to share that with you all. It was really kind of deep for me.
In other news:
I have done it everyone. I have cut it off..my hair that is. I have to be honest and say that it is not my cup of tea at the moment. However, I saw that I was getting way too attached and was making it somewhat my identity. So, off it went. It's curly and I will post pics later.
-I picked up my camera yesterday. Finally..LOL! I had a wonderful time with it and the pics prove it. I will be doing it much more often these days.
-I have gessoed the canvases for two other parts to the button series
-I will be in a local craft show selling my jewelry.
-Working on looking for artists grants for the later part of this year and upcoming years.
Well, that is it for this evening folks. I wanted to give you a full update since I have not been doing so lately.